september 7, 2009

i swear i think sometimes im going to drive myself insane with ttc..
today has been a horrible day.. i constantly am in worry that we are going to miss that slim chance to get pregnant and no matter how much i dont want to stress it, i just cant help but to do just that...
needless to say this found me today in a ton of tears.. im sure the rainy weather outside wasnt helping my mood much.. just an all around over emotional bad day.
i cant help but keep thinking we dont have the years to put into ttc that we once did.. lets face it .. in another 6-8 years im more likely to be stuck in menopause than to be pregnant.. so its like the clock is going off crazy mad in my head and at the same time its like the same conversation every day.. now is the time for us to go at it like *rabbits* and yet.. that cant happen because of rons work hours and just basic life stuff... and so im left thinking *we didnt even give it our all.. we swore last month we would but yet we havent* and .. argh i just dunno.. its slowly driving me crazy..
yet i cant give up, i wont give up.. i know there is one person missing from our lives, one person we havent even created yet that is going to be here..

i just need to *breath* .. ron woke up and knew i was sad.. so he held me and let me cry.. told me how that me and the boys are the best thing in his life.. and how without us he would be nothing..
truth be told he has been under alot of stress lately as well and us both stressing isnt good.. but we know that together we can do anything and everything and together we will..
i need to learn to have patience and he needs to learn that he is the most awesome'est guy around.. that as much as he says he is soo lucky to have me.. i know how lucky i am to have him.

if it happens this month, it does.. if it dont.. on to next month and hopefully more time to work harder on having our last little one.. our last miricle.. our last pride and joy..