I dont know what it is these days but for about.. oh geesh 3 months or so something has totally been creeping me out, like big time creeping me out. the best way to explain this i suppose is jumping into my childhood.
Mother had been dating *R* for about a year when she decided that they should move in together, *R* never seemed to be that bad of a guy for the most part. It was clear that our mor-mor (moms mom) didnt think very highly of him but other than some minor (on the grand scale of things in years to come) incidents, *R* was a pretty good guy .. after all he did *love* this woman and accepted that she had to kids (ah this is one of them times that you wish you had a crystal ball or at least had the abilities to take the wolf out of the sheeps clothing and expose his true colors). none the less mother thought he was *perfect* and so she decided to move herself and us girls in with him (wonder if looking back she sees that as a big mistake now)~
we were living in our first rental home that we lived in together as this *family* and well honestly its where my sister and i's really hell began in life ~ but thats another story for another day.
anyways.. i cant say that life was always horrible, grant it on the scales of life it was much worse than it was good but i cant delete out the *good* parts even though they were far and few in between. however im not sure what category to put this one under. funny i havent given it much thought in years, at least not until the last 3 months. and to be honest its kind of freaking me out.
we were living on clark street in Hammond and im not sure what possessed *R* to do it but mother says it was near halloween, i cant tell you what time of year it was, just that i remember it being cold out.
he sat us girls down and went into this huge long story about this man who escaped from a mental institution, from his crimes he committed, murders and such, and how he was this huge danger to society as a whole, down to the details of his clothing, hair, etc etc etc. i cant even remember all the details of the story.. but i will never forget that we were getting ready for bed that cold night when it all happened.
the place we rented was an upstairs apartment of a house, the main level of the home. the landlords had renovated the basement and lived there. there was this enclosed back porch and 2 back doors, one of which was on our apartment that led you into the enclosed back porch and one off of the back porch which lead you outside. we were in the kitchen area which had 2 rooms off of it, mother and *R*s room as well as the one bathroom.
anyways .. there we were in the kitchen when all of the sudden this person who *R* described in grave detail, popped up in the enclosed back porch beating on the back door leading into the apartment and trying to get in, my sister and i screaming, crying and just generally freaking out ran into the bathroom.. with no escape from there .. i think most would have ran out the door in the opposite direction of the crazy escapee but not us, we ran into a bathroom with no escape.
of course mother and *R* thought it was so hysterical .. because of course the man who was trying to break into our home was *R* himself in a mask.. but to us it was just so real.. maybe it was our age? i dunno but i still can feel the fear ~
now i hadnt thought about this at all until about 3 months ago.. now though, it haunts me daily..
only in the dark hours of the night or morning, when i go to let my clyde out to use the bathroom do i think about it. maybe it was triggered by the psycho looking (im guessing) homeless man we saw walking down the street shouting at mother car that triggered it, im not sure. but whatever it is or was.. its freaking me out and i cant find the answer yet.
I however freak out every time i have to let my clyde in or out of the house, that same fear that i felt as a child comes back.. i have to close the big door into the house, lock the screen door, and see as far as i can as well as i can before unlocking the door to let clyde in or out of the house, i always always expect to see a deranged looking lunatic beating on the back door..
quite honestly its totally freaking me out and i dont know what to do.. why now? why all these years later?
thankfully when ron is home and awake he handles letting clyde in and out of the house since we have talked about it, but of course thats not always possible.
is it a sign of something to come? a warning? is it my mind screwing with my head yet again? is it *R* haunting me possibly from the grave? okay maybe that ones a bit far fetched. but still.. is it?
ive looked, googled and searched for any sign of *R* but have found nothing.. maybe i will talk it over with my sister and see what she says.. maybe she has some indication or even is going threw the same thing? im not sure.. one thing i am sure of is its freaking the crap out of me.. day in and day out month after month and i wish to hell it would stop already!
