December 31, 2009

Happy New Year!!

Its hard to believe that 2009 is coming to an end and that tomorrow will be the first day of 2010.. I can't help but wonder if I am the only one having issues with loosing the double zeros in the year.. Thankfully I don't write many checks or it would be a lot of lines threw with the correction above..

2009 was your normal mixed up kind of year full of highs and lows.. Good times shared with laughter and sad times full of tears..

2010 I'm sure will be filled with greatness.. And hopefully that bfp we keep trying for..

As for tonight we will just hang out at the house with the kids.. new years eve anymore is just another night and tomorrow the start of a new year ..

To everyone..
May 2010 bring you nothing but greatness.. New adventures.. Happiness and love

To my fellow ttc'rs..
May 2010 also bring each and everyone of you that bfp you wish and hope for every night

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December 30, 2009

Went down to mothers this morning and cleared out the rest of the *keep* personal items from the trailers..
Found a few letters I had written my mor-mor in 1983 and one from 1984 along with a few pictures I had drawn and colored for her.. Funny how now, nearly 18 years after her death and 26 years after these letters were written I stumble across them shoved in a plastic container in an old worn out mobile home.. Also found one letter and picture my sister had done for her so I wil find a way to get that to her in the near future..
I know I can't trust mother to do it because she will say how important they are to her, after all her girls wrote them to her mother.. A normal thing that we hear quite often..
the trailer removal is going good.. One completely tore down to the chassie and the other stripped of all of its aluminum siding.. With a huge hole ripped where the dining room once was.
I'm sure tomorrow more progress will be made and we will swing by to see how it looks.
I think we might also go take a walk on the beach.. Weather permitting of course.. Little Ron recovered and claimed the old metal detector from the trailer behind the house so maybe we will take it and go play on the beach.. Never know might find a pot of gold *haha*
TTC wise... Things are going good I suppose. I'm not temping this cycle and just getting in as much bd'n as possible.. Hoping for the best ..

Funny and odd news for today..

While stripping aluminum siding off trailer one.. A nosey neighbor pop'd over to see what was going on.. Proceeded to walk into the trailer and take some old cheap metal mixing bowls out.. Haha beware of theiven old guys..
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December 29, 2009

What a day...
Started off getting ready to head to do some running.. First stop.. cape c town hall. Had to get the permits to remove the old ugly eye sore trailers from mother and my aunts properties..
This has been relitively easy to get set up however a few small hurdles to hop over.. First was removal of power lines.. A simple call to the electric company.. Uh yeah that's the name.. Can you talk to him.. Uh.. Yeah hmm..
see mother never took the electric out of her dads name.. He's only been dead since 2002.. But with a quick call to the electric company this was straight and power lines were pulled back today.
Last step.. To get the permit.. So we had talked to the inspector before and he cut us a good deal.. two properties but only 1 fee .. Suppose it had anything to do with the complaint calls on the eye sores? Anyways we go to turn in the paperwork and.. He's closed until Jan 4th.. *crap* so we head into town hall and talk to the lady there.. Nice lady who worked for town hall when ron was a cop here.. Told her our delema and she jumped on the phone got a town commissioner to sign off on it saying *hes a real nice guy.. Lives here in town.. Used to be a town cop* and walla with the fee paid and a *if they have an issue tell them to come see me* we were out of there with the right to pull the trailers *woohoo*
So tomorrow.. Trailer #1 will get stripped, crushed and hauled off ..
My aunt may laugh at us and our *spit and a hand shake* deals.. Contracts made over the phone with no paper work to see.. And all.. But we saved her from what I heard they were quoted.. Over $20,000 (I have no clue who quoted them that) and were getting 3 removed not just 2... Our guy is starting tomorrow without the checks even being in my hands yet.. And permits were a walk in the park so *ha !*
Next stop.. Best buy where I browsed at laptops while my guys looked at Wii and xbox 360 games.. Poor Ron left with the boys while Owen and I browsed around. I'm still undecided on what to get.. Part of me is saying mini with the memory stick.. The other part is saying full sized .. I wil probably go full sized.. Want an HP.. a Sony vaio would be nice but my cheap ass is not sending nearly $800 on a laptop.. I want to stay close to $500 and that's it.. But for now its looking and dreaming until tax time.. Gives me time to browse and decide.
Than to petsmart where we got our Clyde some food and scored a mastiff calander for 2010 do you know how hard anything with a mastiff on it is to find?
Than a quick trip to walmart and home..
headed down to mothers to clean some storage stuff out only to kinda get sad at the things left behind.. Ruined from sitting for so long in bad trailers.. Pictures of my mor-mor left.. Just gone now completely.. We will finish that tomorrow (moving stuff) and than they can be smooshed and removed ..
After that a bit of relaxing as the kids played Wii and xbox 360 .. Dinner was nibbled on and than it was time to choose what game to play..
Kids choice.. Monopoly cities.. I swear I have a headache now.. Talk about confusing! But I'm sure in time it will be normal and easy.. Didn't even tally up who wiped who out when we ended the game. It was getting late and had to get things moving for bed ..

Tomorrow should be another fun filled day and than after that the begining of back at mothers to get the house done before she returns..

Wonder if we will see neighbors gathering and clapping as the old trailers are hauled off *haha*
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December 27, 2009

Today is my birthday! Ron and Owen woke me up with hugs and kisses..
The boys got me a great card.. And rons card.. How does he always find the cards that say the perfect things.. The ones that pull at your heart strings and the ones that had it not said *hallmark* on the back you would almost guess he wrote it himself.. Love you sweetie with all my heart!

along with his card.. A coupon for a laptop computer at tax time.. what a sweetheart! He knows its really what I want but with Christmas just being over.. The $ just isn't there.. Plus even if it were I wouldn't spend it on that right now anyways.

Christmas was great.. We have 3 very happy boys .. Santa was very good to them again this year!

I'm so lucky to have a wonderful husband and 3 handsome boys.. My guys are my everything and everyday I thank my lucky stars for them.
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December 24, 2009

Twas the night before Christmas and all threw the house.. A creature was stirring.. Our Clyde was about.
The stockings were hung on a shelf with care... Waiting for st. Nick to soon be here.
The boys were all snug in their beds each one with Christmas goodys dancing in their heads.
ron in his shorts and I in my jammies just settled down for a full night of wrapping.
Than out on the lawn we heard such a clatter and sprang up so fast.. My what a disaster..
Ron landed on presents freshly wrapped by me and I was somehow shoved under the Christmas tree.
He came threw the door like a bat out of hell.. Clyde on his heels as we screamed and he yelled..
We knew right away Santa claus wouldn't stay.. He tossed at us gifts all wrapped with colored bows.. We scrambled and scurried.. and I fell on my nose..
He ran as fast as he could so Clyde would not bite.. Yelling and screaming *merry Christmas to all and to all a good night*
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December 23, 2009

Hard to believe that tomorrow is Christmas eve..
I'm happy to report that last nights midnight run was a success and we are officially done shopping. Now I just have to wrap everything and with so much of it shoved in the attic.. I can't help but wonder, what the heck were we thinking? I mean the attic access is right next to the boys bedroom door and although its simple to get up and in.. Its not the quietest door/ladder thing to get down. On the flip side.. My boys have the ability to sleep threw just about anything and everything. Maybe tonight when ron gets home we will get things moved so as soon as kiddos are off to sleep tomorrow night, I can easily get things wrapped and put under the tree..
Unless of course someone wants to be kind and take them for a car ride!
today I played around on making some mint candies which were posted by Jessica on Facebook.. Wow they are sweet but good and just a simple recipe..
3 ounces cream cheese
3 cups powdered sugar
1/4 teaspoon mint extract

Mix cream cheese and extract in bowl.. Once mixed gradually add in powdered sugar reserving about half cup.
Roll into small balls than roll balls in reserved sugar (I think you can use regular sugar to roll in as well) and than press down with a fork (or your thumb)

Simple and easy to make but sweet!

I'm going to try a second batch with almond extract.. so we shall see how they come out.
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December 18, 2009

Today was the boys last day of school until January 4th.. Christmas break has officially started!
I received a note back from aunt Ruth today via email and feel bad for making her feel (as best she could describe) *numb*.. I think that's the worst thing about me.. I know when things have to be said.. But when I say them sometimes I feel bad for how the people feel in the end.. My intensions weren't to hurt anyone or cause them to feel bad in any way.. However.. In the grand sceme of things I think ultimately the end of a feeling is what is best.. Now we can move forward and go from there..
I suppose that is what brings me to todays topic.. Communication
Ron and I have awesome communication.. I think we drive some people batty because we do talk so much however I love that we are always talking.. No matter if its sitting in the same room or over the phone.. That simple text that says *love you* to know your being thought of or whatever.. Communication is always and has always been a key factor for us.
If you don't communicate how you feel.. Than how will anyone ever know?
But along with communication comes the ability to listen as much as speak..
Had my aunt (for example) read my letter and not heard me.. The out come could be very different than it was... Or what I had hoped it would be.
you have to be able to do both listen and speak for communication to work. No matter if the news is hard to take or easy.. If you agree or not.. If you've been hurt or hurt someone else..
Life will always toss its curveballs at you.. You will ride the highs with your arms stretched out and scream as it spirals down..
But you have to remember there is always an upside to follow.. And as long as you speak your mind and say how you feel and the person hears you.. That upside could happen quicker than you think.

always remember that you are only given one chance in life.. So live it to its fullest.. If you've hurt someone never be to proud to say your sorry.. If you've been hurt never not listen to the apology.. But do with it as you wish.. Love often.. And do not allow your past to define your future..
I know that for me.. I would be a miserable sad person if I let my past as a child define me as a person today.. Accept that some questions will never have answers.. But don't dwell on it..
Your childhood molds you to who you are today.. Even in the worst of childhood situations that you wonder what life lessons it was supposed to teach you.. Just accept that answers aren't always there and to not live in that past..
The past can't be changed.. You can't erase it.. You have no choice but to accept it.. But only you allow it to hurt you today and in your future..
Always remember that you hold the key to your happiness.. No one else..

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December 15, 2009

I'm a firm believer that people come in and in some cases go out of your life for a reason..
Some like my *sister* sue will stay with you forever and you just know that no matter what.. No matter how long between a phone call or email or a visit.. That they will and are always there.
Others its pretty clear why they came into your life and in some cases why they left..
But is it ever to late to reconnect with that old friend? And are their regrets by the person who caused them to leave?
My mother had two failed bad marriages.. My dad and looser number 2.. Why she stuck it out and tried so hard to make it work reguardless of what they did to her or us girls, there were years of excuses on why she stayed and why they did what they did.. Yeah mom seeing the looser kick you in the head was surely just your fault somehow.. Yes he was an awesome man when he wasn't lost in a bottle.. Whatever you want to believe and whatever makes you feel better about your choices *rolls eyes*
But than... Than there was Keith.. He treated you like gold.. Wouldn't fight or argue.. Would never raise a hand to you.. But it was him you kicked to the curb. Sure he wasn't perfect but show me one person who is..
He treated us girls like we were his own and embraced the roll of grandpa to our children as if they were his own blood relatives.
but yet this is the one you choose to toss out.. Why?

I kept in contact for a while with him and than so self absorbed in my own life.. I just one day stopped. What would I say at that time though? So I took a break never forgetting him.. The one man that gave mother what she claimed to always want a man who put her first and accepted her children as her own.
This year though.. aprox 6 years after he packed his car and headed back to Indiana.. I decided to write a letter..
But why do I feel like after so long I'm invading his life.. I'm just his ex-girlfriends kid.. Do I have that right to disrupt his life.. What if he is with someone new? How will she feel about a letter from me?
I don't want him to come begging mother for another shot.. But I do want to keep in contact with him. I know now that mother and him weren't meant to be.. He deserves happiness and I hope he has found it.. But at the same time we were such a huge part of his life..
I want to know he is doing good.. To know he wasn't and isn't forgotten.. To know he is still a big part of our life even though he isn't here..

The letter is sent.. In his hands by now I'm sure.. But I still wonder if I had that right to send it... I just wish him well.. Wish him happiness and wish he knew that we love him.
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december 13, 2009

ron left around noon today maybe a bit earlier to head to fayetteville.. wont be home until some o'dark hundred hour on friday .. im guessing right around 2am at the latest.. just sucks to be without him all week and than to have him have to work in wilmington friday night sucks too.. just means no time to *catch up* i will have to rush to wash uniforms while he gets some sleep.. but at least he has the weekend off.. guess got to be happy for the little things huh?
i think owen is starting to have some anxiety issues or something i dunno.. but hes about to wear out my hip thats for sure.. poor baby though.. first my mom left and than today ron and grandaddy took off.. he wouldnt even give grandma kisses this afternoon which he always does .. im worried that so many leaving is starting to concern him.. its not like you can to clearly explain to him that all will be okay and that they will be home on such a day.. although i have told him.. so hopefully he will calm down on the hip riding a bit tomorrow and the next day..
right now he is doing okay though.. playing around the house with his brothers while i sneak online to check things out and listen to some music.. had him dancing earlier.. way to cute!
lets see what else..
oh yeah thats the big news of today...

Clyde is One!!

yep my clyde puppy is one years old *smiles* such a sweet baby too.. got a few extra treats and im sure enjoyed every last one of them..

well i suppose thats it for now.. havent been able to talk to mother much today.. apparently my aunt doesnt like the noise of mothers phone and says she talks to loud when she is on the phone.. *rolls eyes* hang in their mom.. you made the right decision to go.. and the time she is at work will give you both that bit of a break from each other.. although im thinking the idea of retiring to the same house when your old and gray isnt going to be the best idea in the world.. when one likes complete silence and low heat.. and the other is used to warmth and loudness.. yep this might just not be a match made in heaven.. maybe being neighbors will be a good thing after all huh?

December 12, 2009

We are on our way renovation wise at mothers house.. the new roof was completed a week ago (aprox) and I have been dedicating a lot of time to cleaning up the kitchen.. Not a fun job but only a bit left and than I will move onto the utility room which is still my most dreaded room of the house to tackle. Currently though all cleaning has been haulted as we have moved all furniture out of the bedrooms and livingroom so that the carpets can be installed this week..
Added to our list of *to do's* is now removing things from the 3 old mobile homes so they can be removed.. Oh what fun to figure out where to stick that stuff.. I guess I need to get my brain moving to see what can be used in the house and what will go to storage until mothers return..
in other news..
I received a letter from aunt Ruth with a check from grandma d's estate saying grandma wanted what little she had to be divided among the children and used in a way to honor her.. it was such a sweet gesture on her part. Ron and I have decided to spend it on our boys of course but aren't 100% sure as of yet how too.. We have a few ideas but that's it so far.
My hardest thing is writing back.. Its no huge secret to me that I'm not exactly welcomed with open arms to this side of the family.. It was well known at dads funeral exactly how some felt and the reason why I have never included them into my lives.. I mean what's the point in it? So writing a letter and not sounding like a total bitch is hard but I also refuse to play all nice'y nice too.. Finding that good medium however has been the issue. I think for me the saddest part is I've never done anything wrong.. just simply lived my life and been myself. But oh well my life hasn't been damaged or lost anything by them not being apart of it.. I've never lost sleep over it or anything else.
TTC wise finds us again in the 2ww.. Stopped temping around O time only because my thermometer is down.. I mean its obvious when u take your temp twice using 2 different ones and one is a degree higher than the other that somethings not working right but at least we got in lots of baby dancen so all is good .. Now just got to wait..
Well time to get Owen out of the tub.. And than to bed soon.. Will update again soon..
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December 7, 2009

Today is wyatts 8th birthday.. We has his party last Friday because mother was trying hard to be here for it and with the quick drive in and out of town my aunt decided to do, there was no way to make it closer to his actual birthday. All is good though he loves his nintemdo dsi so getting it a few days early was great for him.
Ron and I are still moving along on mothers house. The roof was completed today and now we wait for the bathroom floor to be repaired before moving forward on flooring. Still weighing our odds on the cheapest way for install.. But really in no hurry.. Mother will be gone for quite some time and I'm trying to get things cleaned up in the house. so far working hard on the kitchen and getting it cleaned up.. I'm thinking one room at a time will be my best bet to not get overwhelmed.. I'm still trying to figure out which day is best to brave the utility room.. My worst fear!
I think tomorrow I will start out by spraying down the showers and letting them sit for a bit before respraying and scrubbing like a crazy lady.
ttc wise.. I believe I'm O'ing late again this month like last.. which means bd'n must continue.. Tonight and possibly tomorrow are ideal.. ron has a headache so is taking a nap.. Hoping to bd when I make it to bed.. If not.. Deff in the morning.. I just don't want to miss this month.
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december 4th 2009

headed to walmart tonight with mother to do some last minute shopping. hard to believe how fast time is going by. she will be heading out early sunday to go to colorado with buzzy. buzzy should be here sometime tomorrow afternoon so my morning will be spent at mothers house getting things as straight as possible until buzzy arrives.
than the real fun begins.. getting everything completed on mothers house while she is gone. we are hoping to have the roof done on sunday and than the inside work will begin. fun fun fun for me for a month.
im still not sure when mother will return home but thinking mid january. i know if buzzy had it her way she would just stay in colorado with her and rent the house out but i know mother wont do that, her home is here with her grandkids and us girls.. so i may have to make sure there is enough money left in her account incase an emergancy bus or plane ticket is needed *lol*
ah well.. i better get moving. have an early morning and so much to do.. sleep is important tonight..
i promise i will update more soon..