random pics

of Owen and *little* ron..

we took owen to the park the other day while the bigger boys were in school.. we had some running to do and decided last minute maybe he would like a bit of time to play at the park. deff not planned out, if it had been i would have deff worn better shoes *lol*

and last but not least, the fishing god himself (see he even walks on water)

omg im a moron *rofl*

i finally figured out what i was doing wrong.. i kept over thinking the easiest of things..
all i was doing was adding my own wording to the header that was already here .. and OMG im a huge fan of KISS (aka keep it simple stupid) and leave it to me to over think it..
ah well at least i can laugh at myself right?
the big thing i was over thinking.. was simply making it my header *haha* yeah that simple, just upload it as a header instead of the existing one in the easiest place *point and click*
well now that i have that finished, i suppose i could go wash my clyde.. its only hours past due .. or maybe i will wait till tomorrow during the day.. that almost sounds like a better idea to me *rofl*

*pulls hair out*

ive spent the last .. well i wont even say how long *rofl* trying to make a custom header but its not working *argh*
theres just one small thing im missing and im trying to rack my brain to figure it out, its the right size outside of photobucket but as soon as i uploaded it from there and than to here.. its to small ..

*thinks thinks thinks*

i suppose i will give my brain a break, i need to get wyatt to sleep still, something tells me someone stayed in bed way to late this morning, and i still need to wash my clyde .. so i suppose a mixture of a brian *break* and getting a few things down around here would be the way to go!!

what a boring sunday

im waiting to wake ron up for work (he has to be up by 5pm) and waiting to see what this weeks schedule holds for him.. after he leaves i will hurry up and wash my clyde .. i suppose i could be doing it now but ah im being lazy *rofl*
ive got laundry already done, okay part way done, who am i kidding? ive got clothes in the dryer and a stack of neatly folded waiting to find their ways to the drawers they belong in.. but yet laundry just isnt exciting for me *haha* a task none the less that must be completed and done daily in this house!!
wyatt seems to be feeling lots better today.. hes been playing with legos all morning hence the lego creations sitting next to me on the table right now.. im protecting them, from what i have no clue, he cant say his big brother because little ron is out and about, so he isnt here to touch, destroy or simply even look in the direction of these lego creations .. and yes he isnt even allowed to glance at them without a very upset wyatt who seems to think that little ron holds this great power to *destroy* just with the pure look in his eyes!!
funny thing is, if anyone should be hiding and protecting lego creations its little ron because his are always being played with and destroyed by wyatt *lol*

my clyde escaped the yard again this morning and is now hanging from the tree out back by his big puppy paw.. just tease'n i didnt string him up but we did however find where he is sliding out from the fence at and now have that fixed .. he was tempted this morning by the neighbors showing them their 6 week old puppy..
ron talked to them for a bit and they were just as nice as could be.. interested in socializing the dogs so thats good.. even asked if during the day we would go over and help them out a bit and let her out for them.. even told us to bring her over here to let the two of them play together, but we will have to wait and see on that one. truth be told, summers are busy for me with the kiddos wanting to swim and what not so its a take it as it comes kind of thing when it comes to being a puppy sitter, i will be taking clyde with me daily but yeah not so sure i want to drag there pup too kwim?
i will have to find out what its name is.. hate to be the one running around calling *come here puppy* when it has a name it needs to learn kwim?
ron also called chris to find out if he wanted to socialize tootsie with her as well, just have a massive puppy play date with the 3 of them on one of rons days off.. would be good for them thats for sure!

crazy crazy day

Ron woke me up this morning to tell me that wyatt needed me, so i head into the living room to find out whats up and he says that he is dizzy and his ear hurts. so i checked his temp and he had just a little one 101.7 and yes thats little for my boys they can fever with the best of them .. so i give him a bit of tylenol and have him rest while i try to call the doctors office to see what they suggest, its a saturday and they are only open until noon at the latest (really depends on how many kids they are seeing that day).. of course no answer *argh*
so i went ahead and got ready and than called around to a few different local urgent care type places and no luck there either.. i dont think it was till i called the 3rd number and got the message that they would be closed until tuesday that i remembered *oh yeah memorial day weekend*
so i tried one last urgent care type place and they were open, so i got wyatt ready and we headed out..
we waited forever, again its memorial day weekend and the kick off of the summer so everyone and their uncle is in town and seems to be showing up at the urgent care place because of some foot injury or whatever else brought them in. yes tourist you have to love them *rofl* oh the reason i say that is because its always a foot injury and most of the time they stepped on a shell and got cut ~
anyways we finally get back in a room and wait some more .. than after about 2 hours the doc comes in asks the normal questions and than takes a peak in wyatts ears..
the verdict ~
wyatt has a busted ear drum with tons of discharge behind it (left ear) and an ear infection in the right ear..
the solution ~
high powered medications .. penicillin 2 times a day and ear drops that need to go in both ears 2 times a day..
the cost ~
not sure about the urgent care bill just yet but the meds alone over $300.00 *crazy*
but at least my guy is on the road to getting to feel better soon. im going to call his doctors office on tuesday to see when they want him seen for a follow up.. plus to see if i can get a note to keep him out of school if need be. unfortunately the meds he is on (type of penicillin) will mess with his belly and i cant send him to school with an icky tummy thats for sure.

the weird part is we went through this with him last year, same problem same time of year *wonders*

even crazier is that wyatt didnt complain really to much of hurting ear pains until late last night / early this morning.. i swear that child has a pain tolerance from hell because this mama would have been in tears with an ear infection.. he still says his right ear doesnt hurt at all..

got home just in time to see ron walking out the door for work *pouts* but at least wyatt got seen..

was talking to ron a bit after he got to work and while i was standing outside to avoid being cut off (this house acts like a huge block for cellphone reception) i hear the neighbors playing with a dog (can hear the tags banging against each other) and i look over to see .. MY CLYDE.. omg im going to hang him by his big furry paw if he dont keep his butt in the yard!
we found a new escape route from the fence ..
needless to say we are getting that part blocked off now so that he cant escape from there any longer..
the neighbors were really nice about it, i kept apologizing for him getting out, apparently theyve got a new puppy and clyde went to play.. they kept saying that it was no big deal after all they know he is super friendly.. blah blah blah.. nice folks, sad they will be leaving soon after all its a no pet rental.. *eek*
not sure what their plans are to do with the puppy during the day but they did ask the wildabeast if occasionally he would walk her during the day for them and he said he would *put the big dog in the house and let her run the yard from time to time*
uh okay .. so why the little tissy fits when tootsie is here visiting??

ttc wise i should be in the 2ww now... waiting for FF to give me my cross.. but yeah .. should be in it now.. so its all wait and see from here..
hope that the hag stays away, im honestly getting really tired of *restarts*

somtimes i think

that i should start counting the days im in bed before midnight vs the ones im up past midnight..
last night was horrid, poor owen had a rough night .. i figured with spending so much time outside after he woke up from his nap, the short bit in the pool and running like a crazy man all over the place that he would be zonked out tired and i would be fighting him going to bed before 9pm .. however he had different plans. it was closer to 11 before i could get him to come relax a bit.. to much to see, even more to do.. geesh mom sit down for even just one second you have to be kidding me! finally got him to go to bed not that it made that huge of a difference as i was still trying to rush the bigger boys off to bed as well.. i suppose another reason why putting the pool up at mothers house wasnt the greatest of ideas?
anyways.. ron called me around midnight to talk for a bit and it wasnt to long after we got off the phone that owen was up *argh*
got him back to bed right around 12:45am and than as soon as ron got home he was up due to the attack of the hiccup monster.. again got him back down and laid down myself, by now it was close to 2am and well lets face it 6am comes really early when its 2am..
more fun.. owen woke up again around 4am and we were up for close to an hour this time trying to get him back to sleep, poor guy was surely a rough night for him..
surprisingly enough he was up @ 7:30am as for me it was up at 6am in the shower to start getting myself together and getting the bigger boys up and ready for school..
after owen woke up i sat and snugged him on the couch, fought to keep my own eyes open and than finally just made myself move to get ready to go.
funny though the first thing he did when he jumped up from the couch was point outside and ran to grab his shoes! yeah he was ready to go outside and what was i doing laying around and not moving fast enough for him?

went to walmarts today with mother and picked up a vacuum for the pool, still trying to figure out how it works but i suppose i will *get it* when i take it out of the box and hook it up huh?
still have had zero luck on finding the kraft mayo made with olive oil in the 12 ounce jar.. what good is a coupon for a free one when you cant find one that size anywhere around here? guess i will keep searching. also noticed that Tylenol is still off the shelves.. wonder if it will be back up before my *coupon* for a free one (due to having a recalled one) expires *hmm*
and why is it that when they do these recalls, the amounts they give you is less than what you paid for the stuff to begin with? $5.00 for benadryl however, the bottle itself is $5.44.. okay i shouldnt really complain its still only 44 cents but at the same time, its still 44 cents *lol*

as for today in my mail box i got the cover girl freebie.. the complete line of their smokey eye collection.. although does anyone seriously wear some of these colors? like blue? who was the last one to walk around with blue eye shadow? ah guess i will toss it in the halloween box!

i do seriously have to go through my coupons and see what i have that i will use and what i have that i wont use and get homes for the ones i wont use, i really hate to see them go to waste after all some of them are pretty decent ones ~

im also still on my hunt for the perfect purse with no such luck as of yet on finding it.. ah im tired of lugging the one around that i am.. maybe i will dig into my stash and pull out one of the other ones for a while.. just for a change.

minutes away from midnight

and yes im still awake *surprise surprise*
at least tomorrow will be friday which means the beginning of the 3 day weekend *smiles* i love 3 day weekends although its going to suck for me and temping *blah*
didnt do a whole lot today, spent a lot of time with the washer and dryer doing wash, and right around the time ron was leaving the house for work, the boys and i walked down to mothers house for a dip in the pool.. still cold water although seemed to be warming up a little more each day. i must say that i was a bit peeved to see that it was still uncovered and that the pool itself wasnt clean *blah* spent what seemed like forever getting the pine straw and yuck out of it, but its for sure that we need to invest in a vacuum for it.. so thats a quest for tomorrow .. price checking to see what they run and what its going to set us back. plus i need to stress the importance of having the filters in the water thing and not just running it empty without a filter, i mean geesh people filters are made to grab the yuck not just for shits and giggles ~
no one stayed in it long which was fine with me, owen wasnt in the mood and the bigger boys were busy doing other stuff around her yard .. little ron burned what was in her burn pile and i was busy trying to sweep off her porch .. i swear the pine trees at her house are enough to drive me insane!
anyways.. i went ahead and shocked the pool tonight and put the cover on it.. tomorrow as i said we are on a quest to find a vacuum for it, mother thinks i can just *walla* look online and know what they are going to cost but my gosh woman, what is online vs in the store are two different thing most of the time.
we had taken clyde with us to keep him safe.. sad that i cant leave him home but the wildabeast always finds some dumb reason to put him out and than im left getting a call that he once again escaped the yard. still think its fishy that he only does it when both ron and i are gone.. ron could be sleeping and i can leave the house and clyde wont mysteriously escape the yard but let us both be gone and walla he is out.. really makes you wonder. so now we have it to where clyde has to come with one of us or go to mothers house to be baby sat while we are doing our running.. is it sad when you have to have a baby sitter for your dog? specially if your only running to walmart for an hour?

this weekend my plans are to shampoo the bedroom carpets, they need it badly so yep thats my task while ron works at night i will be shampooing to my hearts content *lol* plus of course the normal stuff.. wash my clyde and what not.
anyways i suppose thats it for now, waiting for ron to call me since he should be on his way home soon.

Death to my BBT

okay not really but i seriously considered it this morning ~
so like normal i woke up and took my temp.. a lovely thing when ttc that you will find me doing every morning just as soon as i wake up.. and what do i find? that my temp did this HUGE nose dive.. on cd13.. i never get a huge nose dive and deff not on cd13... i dont O until cd16.. my earliest O since owen was born.. cd15.. and now this huge nose dive in the land of temperatures.. what the?
what does this mean? this means that we stick with the original plan.. start bd'n today and keep it up until cd18 (the lastest i have O'd since after having Owen).. the fun part, planning bd'n around rons weekend schedule *rofl* ah well.. guess we shall see what tomorrows temp will bring and see if my thermometer lives through another day ~

i wish

i wish for once i could get the ttc brain out of my head.. i hate that ron has to work this weekend (thurs-sun) and know that O will probably be friday (cd16 like normal) and here i will be stressing getting in all the bd'n *argh* i wish for once i could just *let it go* and not stress the best and worst times for bd'n and calculate our *chance* of success this cycle etc.. but the truth is, once you have gotten to the point of knowing to much and there is that baby that you so badly want to complete your family before your to old and shriveled ... ah the loveliness of things that run through my head month in and month out.. the things i think about and things i worry about and the pending doom i call the *hag* that will be right around the corner.. the questions of *will i ever see another BFP*?
yes ttc brain is a curse.. but the information out there is endless and wondrous at the same time..
i just wish i could get off this roller coaster.. this journey that seems to have no end.. just one more time ~ am i asking for to much?
but at the same time.. i love my boys so much and i know if i never do see that BFP again that my life is full and lucky and i have these 3 wonderful great boys that i love more than anything else in the world..
i know i have a hubba who is the best, the man i will grow old with and the one who totally completes me and gets me all at the same time.
i know im blessed, i know im lucky.. i know im loved.. and i know that life has nothing but greatness for my future.. that each day is irreplaceable .. each memory worth more than all the riches in the world..

well...

didnt get some of the things done that i wanted to this weekend but thats life sometimes.. at least the basics were done.. got the wash done and clyde got his weekly bath *smiles*
did manage to get one walk in with little ron and clyde on friday but saturday we skipped it due to the pending fishing trip for him and ron and well tonight is the night that im busy getting everything ready for monday morning and the return of school for the kiddos.. earlier bed times and such.
i had planned on heading to mothers house this weekend for a swim in the pool okay maybe more of a splash *lol* but that didnt happen either as it never really felt warm enough outside for me to go and brave the cold waters.. i wish it would go ahead and warm up enough for the water to warm up and stay warmed up.. dont have to be bath water but at least a bit warmer than it is currently would be nice *lol*
well, tomorrow or rather today now brings another week of school.. which means my alarm will be going off early this morning so i suppose i better get to bed so it will wake me up huh?

another late night

had a semi busy but yet at the same time extremely lazy day today.. if that makes any sense at all?
woke up and got the bigger kids off to school but man i know i was a pain in rons butt to get out of bed this morning.. needless to say i was crawling back into bed just after the buses left to snuggle with my Owen until he woke me up when he got moving .. actually about a half hour later because for whatever reason he decided that daddy was not allowed to change him this morning *lol*
got up and got moving and started working on my never ending task of washing clothes.. than chris called with a big favor to ask.. *could someone watch tootsie* (his pup)
you see this weekend is the weekend of chris's dads wedding and chris has a very important role.. *best man* now if you knew the relationship between the two of them you would surely understand what a huge deal this was.. although i will admit after chris's mom passed away they seem to be getting a long a lot better .. his mom battled cancer for years and unfortunately lost her battle in the end.. she was a good woman. i know loosing her was very hard on chris and probably still is.
anyways.. chris needed a baby sitter or rather a puppy sitter for little miss tootsie and although we would have loved to have kept her for him, we do have our clyde and yes the two of them get along perfectly but clyde is not fixed and well we didnt want miss tootsie going home bow legged. we could watch them during the day like a hawk and all that but we couldnt keep a close enough eye on them at night.. im sure if we had to work it out we could have but i had another idea..
i called my mom and asked if she would be willing to watch miss tootsie and of course she was all for it.. so needless to say, tootsie is spending the weekend at mothers house with both my wyatt and my owen .. after all what a better way to spend the weekend than playing with tootsie?
chris dropped her off to me before he went to get a quick hair cut before hitting the road to south carolina to his dads house and i took miss tootsie into the bathroom, gave her a good bath and cleaned her ears. i was going to attempt to trim her nails but im still leery of doing that.. thats rons job when it comes to clyde even so yeah i decided i wasnt going there *lol*
she was perfect in the tub and tolerated her bath and ear cleaning like its something that she had done to her daily *good girl*
meanwhile mother ran to the store to pick up a few things she needed and of course spoiled tootsie with a few treats as well as a few toys.
mothers been giving me updates on her off and on since coming to pick her up so i can update chris.. shes deff still looking for her daddy but she is happy at the same time and seems to be adjusting to being in the strange house which is a good thing.
it was cute when chris got ready to leave though.. i could tell that leaving her was pretty hard on him but assured him a zillion times over that she was going to be fine .. shes deff his baby girl.
later tonight little ron and i took clyde for a walk and now he is slam wore out snoring louder than ever on the living room floor waiting for me to tell him its bedtime (which it will be in a few minutes).
i think tomorrow we are going to ride over and check out chris's house and make sure everything is okay and that nothing has been bothered. we might even snag his boat and bring it over here where its easier for us to watch vs it sitting in his yard. i know ron talked to him a few times tonight and he seemed to be concerned about someone messing with it. so we shall see what tomorrow brings.

ended up taking the kids swimming

yesterday in our small pool that we set up at mothers house.. things were okay for the most part but i cant help but wonder how much this is going to drive me insane over the summer.. one part of me keeps saying that things will be fine while another is thinking *my god woman you knew better*...
so far little ron has told me that according to mother he isnt allowed to have friends in the pool.. when i asked what he meant he said *well she said that kirk cant come in, hayden cant and neither can tyler* okay why not? these arent bad kids after all.. grant it i dont like tylers mother at all but hes not a bad kid and him and little ron seem to get along really well when he is here for the summer (he lives with his dad out of state).
according to him the reason why kirk cant come in is because *he might drown* okay thats just a tease because kirk is really really tiny.. he never got a reason for hayden and as for tyler mothers reasoning to him was *because he said something mean about her last year* omg are you serious? first of all i hardly doubt that when my son and tyler are together their main topic of discussion is my mother and secondly stop acting like a danged 2 year old? am i the only one this sounds grade school to?
i told him not to worry about it because it was *their* pool (as in the boys pool) and not hers.. and thats when he told me that she says its her pool.. my gawd do we have to go through this already?
lets not forget that wyatt used her bathroom (just pee'd) and her toilet wouldnt flush. i went to look into it and told her about it because i still couldnt get it to flush and she started ranting about how it was all rickys fault for digging up her septic.. my god woman its nothing RICKY did.. he did not open the tank but had to look to see if the old trailer was still connected so that he could take it out with no issues at all.. i dont even think he dug it up (ron would know for sure) but she swears he did this and that to it and broke the seal on the tank lid..
when i said i knew for a fact that he never opened the lid (because i do know that much) i got told that *well he did something to it* i suggested she call back the guy who cleaned it and tell him the lid must not be sealed right or something (it happens) and was told *i dont have money for that* real snotty like. argh!! than when i told her that ricky hadnt opened it at all she said *well he did something* and little ron suggested that maybe he dug around it like he did the other tank and she said well than he broke the seal.. i said *well mother you cant seal it around it, there are holes for draining on the sides of a septic towards the top* and she said *well the guy who opened it put tar paper all around it.. argh LIAR!!
first of all, all the guy does is open the lid, he doesnt dig up the whole tank therefore your *he put tar paper all around it* is a lie because he never dug up the whole thing. secondly ricky didnt break the seal that was supposedly put on it because he never opened the lid, nice try mother.. i say call the guy that pumped it and see if the seal just didnt take, its not unknown to happen and ive told you this from day one to keep and eye on it because if it was having any issues around the lid, chances are it didnt seal right *duh*.
next on my list of *annoying* was her whole *oh my angel* crap with owen.. *he can have whatever he wants because hes my little angel* .. *he can do whatever he wants because hes my little angel* but yet if the other boys did anything it was attitude from the get go.. little ron said *will you please hand me...* and she said to him *stop being rude ron* rude? please is not rude.. i told her that saying please is not rude and that i have raised my boys to say please.. than instructed them that since she finds the word *please* to be rude, to no longer say please to her *hahaha* yeah she didnt like that much ..
than on top of that, we were talking about when they went and spread the ashes of my grandparents.. this is a hard subject for me (kinda) i mean im over it but im not.. because when the time came to spread them.. myself and my family were left out of being apart of it, partly because my sister was going to be there and partly because i worked and they planned it when i was working, when my husband was working etc.. i was not notified or asked what days would have worked best for us because they decided they were doing it on such and such day.. and that was it. i couldnt get off work at last minute and my husbands line of work at the time was a deff no of him just *taking off* like that last minute.. but he worked a revolving schedule of 2 days on 3 days off.. 3 days on .. 2 days off .. as for me, with advance notice i could have said *hey i need day XXX off because we are doing XYZ* and gotten it because my boss was awesome about that kind of stuff. not to mention everyone knew my days off each week were always the same *tuse, and wed* but yet they did this and made plans to do this on a thurs? i was in the mind set of they did it on a weekend but was rudely corrected last night on what day it was.. you know it dont matter, you couldnt have done it the day before so i could have been there? i didnt even know when they were doing it.. they just came into my place of employment and said *hey to bad you had to work we did XYZ today and now were going to have a get together at mothers house, sorry our missing out but you have to work* almost like it was being rubbed in my face..
same thing with aunt B so many times i have heard when she was in town how *to bad your married* because we were gonna do this and that but your married and cant be here.. but yet my sister who is married with kids was there because she was living with mother at the time.. i only live down the road people .. geesh!! or is it the fact that im a real mom and take care of my kids thats the issue? so if i came down to sit around and visit or whatever my kids would be with me where as my sister would leave hers in the trailer? i dunno.. just kinda sucks sometimes, specially when im the one they call when they want something done.. or im the one always doing stuff to help out. i mean i know that in the next few weeks im going to be the one out there raking all the danged pine straw from both lots into a burn pile to get ready to burn and yet for some reason over the summer and probably more than once, i will be the one shit on.

im addicted

to wheat thins sundried tomato and basil .. i suppose it could be worse huh? but omg they are really really yummy!
went shoe shopping for little ron and wyatt yesterday.. 2 new pairs of shoes for school and 2 pairs of summer shoes.. i think little ron might finally understand how hard it is to find size 14 mens shoes and the limited selection they have of them. i also got the pleasure of being scared knowing that hes not far off from needing to be in a size 15 *eek* at least on the positive side of things, he isnt growing a foot size a year now!
wyatt on the other hand is *eek* size 8 mens at 8 years old and still a long way to go.. wonder if his feet will surpass little rons in the end ..
all in all, i have 2 happy boys who picked out the shoes they wanted and let me tell you they are awesome .. even more good news, they do make rainbow sandals for big footed boys *rofl* thanks to the makers of rainbow for thinking of my big footed son who wanted them and cringed his nose at every other pair of sandals i showed him.
today i ordered mother and me both a pair of the *tones your legs and butt* shoes, lets hope they work as good as they are supposed to okay? i decided against going all out expensive until i know they actually do something but man those sketcher ones were really cute but they are for another time and another day *smiles*

now im wondering if my owen is going to nap today or if i need to get everyone ready after homework is done to go swimming and keep him entertained outside .. he had a short nap this afternoon (maybe 15 minutes) on our way home from sams but not enough to last him the rest of the night without him being super crabby and extra sleepy.. maybe a short nap and than swimming.. or maybe not (as i watch him run off to another room in the house)..

another product review

i tried the Gillette Proglide which doesnt come out until June of this year. so how did i get it? well they (Gillette) decided to give away something like 9000 of them (1000 per day for so many days) on facebook!
let me tell you this was a hard one to get.. imagine thousands of people trying at the same exact time to get a free razor and yes it was mad crazy to get everything in there to get one but i managed, still not sure how, but i did..

ive always been a fan of Gillette.. from mach3 to fusion and now i can safely add the proglide to my list of favorite razors.
sure its not pink and girly but dang if it dont do the job and better than any other razor..
now grant it, im sure i will fall into sticker shock when i see the price of this razor and the blade heads on the market but i die of sticker shock every time i pick up razors so im kinda used to that side of things..

good job Gillette on another awesome product!

busy day.. can i shower now??

well i got to sleep in this morning a bit.. but woke up just in time to spend a bit of time with the hubba before chris stopped by.
he stayed for a while and had tootsie with him, shes such a good girl but man does she make my clyde look HUGE! course she is lots younger than he is but, shes deff never going to be as big as he is. they had fun playing together while we talked and visited..
not sure what time chris left but the rest of the day just seemed to zoom by and now here i sit at nearly 7:30pm still not showered.. no wonder im feeling *yucky* good thing we had no *big* plans today.. but i suppose i will jump in while the jumping is good!

little ron did take his smaller boat out today and enjoyed a boat ride with Owen and mother, now wyatt is at mothers house and playing in the pool. he didnt feel like joining for the boat ride and should be home sooner than later :) all in all its been a nice lazy day!
i think ron and little ron are going to maybe head down to the end of the road and fish for a bit tonight but not for certain if they will or not, it depends on how the winds are this evening and if the weather stays nice although so far not a cloud in the sky, at least no dark ones so thats a positive!

Owen is spending the night at mothers tonight, even with her not working she primarily only sees him on weekends unless on a weekday we all run together somewhere.. tomorrow we are going to head down (me and the bigger boys) to do some work on their fathers day projects for the hubba, i am still hopeful that they will come out like i envision them to so keep your fingers crossed for me okay?

i thought it was cute earlier today the hubba told me he almost came and read my blog but than said he was scared to as he didnt want to read about his fathers day gifts and ruin the surprise, i told him it was okay because i wouldnt post exactly what we are doing out in the open.. but still so sweet that he didnt want to ruin it.

ooh and if you have noticed, i made a blog button .. im very proud of it too! took me a bit to find one that worked good and now i have come up with it and added it to my blog..

Owen got his first bike

went to the store yesterday and picked up owens first bike, actually a trike and OMG you would have thought he was being beaten because he couldnt jump on it right than and there..
he screamed and cried until we were over half way home.. so upset and not understanding that we were just buying it for him and that as soon as we got home it was all his..
but my gosh he is the happiest little man now.. he is riding his bike and loving it every minute.
grant it we still have to work on the whole peddle thing but he is doing good.. at least trying to keep one foot on the peddles at all times its just getting him to understand the concept of moving his legs etc to get it going that way vs pushing it with his feet like his other ride on toys.
the bigger boys werent left out of course, wyatt picked out a few wii games that he wanted spending his money wisely and instead of just getting 1 game, bargained shopped and got 2 ..
as for little ron he got himself something for his boat that hes been wanting forever and a new knife he has been eye'ing too.

me, i got another pair of new jammies in the kind that i am in love with right now (very comphy and great for summer time nightly walks after lazy days spent swimming for hours) and my new crocs.. actually my first pair of crocs.. not the funky ones that when someone says crocs others automatically think of but instead, cute sandal ones.. i cant wait to really test them out but so far im a happy camper *smiles*

next on my list is to find the boys some sandals for them this summer, its just a matter of finding the right ones.. which means locating some place that actually sells a size 14 mens and finding ones that arent just cheaply made.. fun fun fun! i cant believe that summer is so close now.. less than a month left in this school year *woohoo*

oh so sleepy

i was hoping to crawl back into bed this morning after the buses ran but my sweet baby boy woke up before wyatts bus came so no such luck.
im still ticked at the school and how the IEP meeting went, ron and i have been trying to decide what exactly to do, i think we are both leaning towards home schooling wyatt starting next year but we still arent 100% sure as of yet. it just really pisses me off that no other help was suggested or offered, i mean here we have a child who isnt that far behind the rest of his class, and yet, they want to hold him back.. however a child who is really really far behind is pushed forward to the next grade level and given summer school..
for example, my nephew brandon who i love dearly and i know what the reasons are for his educational issues but still.. he is truly a child in need and has never once been held back, it has never even been an option on the table since kindergarten (which they did hold him back and have him repeat kindergarten) .. he is offered summer school every year and every year is pushed forward to the next grade.
dont get me wrong, i dont want my wyatt ending up being *one of them kids* that are forgotten about and im willing to do whatever i can as mom to help him along.. but how can i help him along when im not kept in the loop of things?
at our IEP meeting, that was the first time i have ever met his special education reading teacher, ive still yet to ever meet his writing/fine motor skills teacher, not once over the year were we given special homework, not once over the year has his classroom teacher ever suggested there was an issue in the classroom, even 2 weeks ago i was told how awesome he was doing in the classroom side of things and than, now this?
and as much as someone could look at me and say *you dropped the ball you should have been on top of the teachers like you always have been* i can say the same thing about the teachers, ive never had a teacher not willing to work with me, well i take that back i did with *little ron* when he was in 1st grade and it was awful but on a whole different level than this one is..
last year wyatts teacher, reading teacher, and i worked so hard together to give him the best.. and this year, not one thing was ever done .. the only thing that i talked to his teacher about was when she brought up spelling and reading in our first parent teacher conference and i told her how his teacher and i worked things last year.
when i was told to *stop* writing things for him (i write like the 3 sentences and that he tells me and than he re-writes them) but i refused to, because i know what works for him.
the kicker for me when reading over his IEP stuff, both the original testing stuff and the stuff for this year that i had just received .. is that his teacher acted like she was doing all this extra great stuff for wyatt in the classroom and its written in his IEP that she has to do these things, it wasnt extra stuff she was giving him out of the kindness of his heart.. but stuff that she HAS to do with him. im sorry if she sees it as an inconvenience but deal with it.
its just sad to me that its not the education that they are looking at as much as the test scores that might affect their perfect scores.. stupid schools!!
wyatt has never been offered additional after school help, we were told he would not receive summer school help at all.. we werent offered any suggestions on how i could help him over the summer to improve his reading etc, instead we were just tossed out the *hold him back* and to me, the school has failed in that department, wyatt will NOT be held back and it breaks my heart that he might not be able to go to regular school next year because i know how much he loves school but i refuse to allow them to hold him back when i know for a fact that just a bit of extra help would give him the boost he needs.

Wyatts IEP .. now considering home schooling him..

the IEP meeting did not go well and now we are considering pulling him out of school next year and home schooling him.
Wyatts IEP's started in kindergarten with speech therapy, something we knew he would need and we were more than good with that. Wyatt graduated from speech the middle of this year *way to go my man!!*
he is now in second grade and everyone noticed from kindergarten that he was having trouble in reading and writing, something i suspect was in direct connection with his not being able to pronounce a LOT of letter sounds .. i mean if you can not pronounce the sounds a D makes correctly how can you correctly sound out a word right? i mean seems simple enough for me how about you?
in first grade we started with additional reading help both in the classroom and out, his teacher (or teachers aid) would dedicate so much time per day to him in the classroom itself to help him one on one .. i want to say it was something around 30 minutes a day and at least 3 days a week (with a full classroom they did their best). he also saw a reading teacher for additional help (i want to say an hour a day) 5 days a week.. that reading teacher was awesome, always sending things home for us to work on as *homework* and most of the time it was reading books to help him out at a level he could read.
at the end of last year we started looking into getting him set up for more help in the form of having him tested for special education. so we went through their hoops (tiers) and got him all set up, by the end of 1st grade we added special education classes in the forms of reading and writing .. we had his IEP at the end of last year and i was told he would *receive* the world in help in these areas and with the special education and his progress abilities (from what he had already shown) no one expected him to have an issue,
i was told that he would receive help in reading, writing and fine motor skills.
all year long i have not heard much of anything about his progress, just a few things from his classroom teacher who during our parent teacher meetings said what a great job he was doing and how at the times of our meetings he was doing wonderful in the classroom with math etc, just the normal *reading and writing* issues (which i expect because this is why he is in special education)

even at our parent teacher conference not but 2 weeks ago (maybe 3) she informed both my husband and i how great wyatt was doing and how he would be moving on to the 3rd grade.. my husband did inquire about summer school if it would help him and she said that due to budget cuts they were not offering summer school however suggested that we work with wyatt over the summer with books at his reading grade level and what not which we thought would be a great idea. but everything math wise was great!

today was our iep meeting and my hubba stayed home to catch the bus (wyatt didnt want to stay and thats a good thing) and so i went to the meeting to talk with the *group* of teachers .. in attendance was wyatts speech teacher with a huge smile on her face as always, proud oh so proud of wyatts great accomplishment of no longer requiring speech and the leaps of improvement he has made..
his reading special education teacher .. his classroom teacher, the school principle (who probably thinks im a HUGE bitch) and missing was the special education teacher who deals with writing (maybe she forgot about the IEP?)..

they kicked the meeting off telling me that wyatt was not at grade level in anything, not reading, not writing, not math (wait.. didnt his teacher just tell me how wonderful he was doing and how he was where he should be for this time of year?) but apparently now her story changes because as she said it *he cant do flash cards like this* and she proceeded to snap her fingers.. well you know toss some flash cards in front of me and im not going to be able to do them that fast.. the last asshole who thought i should be able to do anything math wise in the snap of the finger (multiplication) was my mothers ex-husband who was an abusive alcoholic asshole!
than they proceeded to talk about his reading level.. somewhere in there the principle chim'd up and discussed *holding wyatt back* and i promptly said *no you wont be* and she said *well i have the ultimate say* and i said *well im telling you that you are NOT holding my child back* and she informed me that it was up to her and only her.. excuse me?
so i said *what are you saying that i have NO say in MY childs education?* ha wrong answer lady..
so than she proceeded to tell me that she wasnt saying that but that she has the *final* say in what happens with him..
which is when i informed her once and for all that she is NOT holding him back and that i would pull him out of public school and start home schooling before she held him back.
she than proceeded to tell me that she wanted more for my child to graduate high school with the reading level of a 3rd grader .. excuse me? my child is in 2nd grade and reading on the 1st grade level (where he would be at the beginning of 2nd grade actually) and would continue to grow not loose what he learns and would not be a 12th grader graduating reading at the 3rd grade level. she than went on to say that they would not offer him summer school because he wasnt *bad enough off* for summer school.. so you would rather hold back a child that needs a bit of help and push the ones through that need a ton of help vs spending some of my tax dollars to give my child help over the summer if he needs it? now i admit it i was against summer school in the beginning but i understand if it would give him a boost to help him along than its needed.. but to tell me that he isnt behind enough for it but hey lets just hold him back a few years until were ready to push him forward..

okay by now im PISSED and im sure everyone in the room knew it.. i think my poor mother wanted to crawl under the table..

about that time the principle decided to excuse herself (maybe because she knew we weren't getting anywhere) .. this is when things get really interesting ~

the special education teacher told me how much he was improving and it was shown on the paper from his last report card, go figure, my youngin has moved up 4 levels in reading the same 4 levels that any child his age is expected to move up.. and is now reading much higher than he was which proves that he is learning what they are teaching him and doing good..

than they went on to tell me that he doesnt pay attention in class unless your on top of him.. well you know this is weird, he dont pay attention now, this is a first. hes been in this school since kindergarten and all the sudden the child who tries his absolute hardest isnt paying attention but yet this has NEVER been brought up? weve been doing IEPs since kindergarten.. not to mention numerous parent teacher conferences since kindergarten and ive always been told what a great student he is and how great he is in class.
further more i was told that he would have to take the 3rd grade EOG's (end of grade testing) in 3rd grade.. now they offer 3 different ones, the regular 3rd grade EOG, the below grade level EOG's and the 3rd grade *reduced* EOG (which has a few added things like someone to help read the questions out loud to him and the same reading section just a bit smaller than the regular one) which the reduced EOG is what they will have him take..
so your setting him up to fail? your taking a child you KNOW doesnt read at the 3rd grade level as of yet and your going to give him a 3rd grade reading EOG?
am i the only one who dont think this makes a bit of sense?
ooh but they wont give him the lower EOG because he is to smart for it, but yet not smart enough to move on to 3rd grade.. your confusing me people!

than i had the pleasantness of being told by the special education teacher that i was to dumb to teach my child? not in so few words but still it was the same.. her wording was more along the lines of *you cant get special education help in reading and writing when your home schooling your child* and i cant teach him how to read and write because?
when i informed her i was not a stupid person she told me she wasnt calling me dumb i just wouldnt be able to get the help.. isnt that the same thing? assuming i would need her to teach my child because i couldnt do it? and further more i could easily go out and get him extra help.
i than brought up the help that a friend of mine does for a living in the neighboring county (shes a special education teacher that works with one student all year round, in all of his classes etc) and i am informed *that doesnt exist* um hello.. i know this woman personally.. and i know what she does for a living.. of course they didnt appreciate when i asked if the other county was just a better school system than our own..

i was than handed the tier paper by his classroom teacher for math.. so now they want him pushed into special education for math too?

i know what it all boils down to.. like most other schools and i never thought i would say this about WOES, its all the test scores.. they dont want him taking the tests (EOGs) until he can do it the way they want him to because if he dont their school wont look as pretty as they think it should and that pisses me off!

the saddest thing of all is my wyatt LOVES school.. he likes all of his friends and his teachers and just every part of school.. and yet they want to do this to him and i am now going to start having to decide whats best for him education wise.. keep him in a school that isnt working for him but against him.. or homeschooling him, i never thought i would be at this place in a zillion years.. ron and i have a lot of talking to do... a different school or two to look into and well just a huge decision to make. but i can tell you one thing.. they are not holding my baby back..

he is at grade level in everything except reading and his writing isnt perfect (he can be a sloppy writer) but they can offer him summer school or maybe suggest how to work with me to get him moved along easier vs holding him back.
the worst thing is, he is already almost twice the size of the kids in his class because of how tall he is.. hes just a bigger boy
and i think its bull when they say that *being held back doesnt affect them* explain that to the folks i know who have been held back and are still bothered by it.. wont affect him? oh yeah in there eyes hes just stupid, how would he know?

oh and the kicker, this is the help that wyatt is actually receiving.. not the *grand* help i was described before but instead..
1 hour per day in reading help (5 days a week) in a classroom with 3 other children...
for writing/fine motor skills .. he is given 30 minutes per day ... 7 days in a 9 week grading period.. yes just 7 days every 9 weeks.. less than one day a week for 30 minutes, i can see where his hand writing should be so greatly improved after all he is getting a total of 3 1/2 hours every 9 weeks.. are you serious?

deff a pissed off mama tonight!

random thoughts

first on my list is .. bathing suit shopping..
yes ladies its that time of year again and i am going to brave the stores to find something that resembles a bathing suit for the summer .. im not getting much encouragement or braveness from my online searching and am hoping to find something that isnt made out of the last seasons couch material that flopped in the furniture business.. but something tells me thats all i will find when searching stores. *enter scared picture here* .. wish me luck in my searches!!

mr census man..
must you keep coming to my door to ask me about the neighboring houses and who lives there or if its a full time residence, in this neighborhood there are very few year rounders .. most are vacation homes and i could have easily answered that question last week when you were here to ask about the house next door.. would you care to hear about the others in our immediate area? id be glad to tell you but must we keep going over these same questions?
and if youve already filled out your paper and yet they ask you again, does that mean they are double checking or are they simply counting you twice? *confused*
i also hope that these people are criminal background checked, sure he looked like a nice grandpa type but looks can be deceiving.. he could be some mastermind robber who is using the census as a cover up.. wonder if the census lady from before is tied up down the road in the trunk of her little white car.. haha imagination at its best!!

ttc brain ..
you are starting to drive me insane.. will you please knock it off? yes i know that im only days away from yet another hag visit but this whole *could i get a bfp* thing is about old now.. while i would love to see those 2 pretty pink lines, nothing you tell me will get me to poas just to see another bfn.. i swear you like to torture me dont you? as if you get some simple pleasure out of it..
i will hold out, i will wait.. and i will try to convince you that its just going to be the hag showing.. youve already convinced me to search my chart and study it looking for some small glimmer of hope but i cant find anything there.. i need to breath, i need to relax.. i need to keep my head on straight so the hag show isnt so bad on my heart..

a bit ticked at the wildabeast

and for good reason too..
this afternoon i walked down to mothers so that the kiddos could all get started on their fathers day gifts.. i try to do something with meaning for Ron on fathers day.. not something you can just run to the store and purchase (although a few years he has gotten them as well) but for the most part just something that he would treasure forever..
i just hope that this years vision in my head comes out the way i see it and expect it to..
anyways.. get to mothers house and do what we need to get done and than head home only to find out from ron that he was told when he got home that clyde had gotten out of the yard.. *argh* but not to worry that nicks dad brought him home for us *thanks nicks dad*
clyde is following us around the house all the time.. the times we cant take him with us to the store he will sit and look out the window and wait for us to return most of the time sitting in my spot on the couch.. where he can look out the window as he waits..
he is very much a *kid* in the house and loves to be near us at all times..
anyways.. im thinking that maybe he tried to follow us down to mothers house .. but what ticks me off is that the wildabeast noticed he was gone out of the back yard (not sure how he got out of the fence) but the tick me off part was that he didnt call me and tell me he was gone, didnt go looking for him just kinda shrugged his shoulders like *whatever* and yes that ticks me off big time!
looks like for now on im going to have to take clyde with me to mothers house just so that i know he is safe and not out trying to find me as he watches me not get into the van but just walk down the street..

now some might be wondering why im doing fathers day stuff now, after all in 30 minutes it will officially be mothers day.. but the thing is i like for the kids to make stuff for ron for fathers day and try to think of things that will make my hubba smile :) this years vision i hope turns out as good as i see it in my head.. the kids have done various things over the years.. i think my favorite so far is the one that wyatt gave ron for fathers day a few years back.
we did his foot prints and attached them to a frame which he painted (he picked out the paint colors and everything) than we framed this poem..

Footprints
"Walk a little slower, Daddy,"
said a child so small.
"I'm following in your footsteps
and I don't want to fall.

Sometimes your steps are very fast,
Sometimes they're hard to see;
So walk a little slower, Daddy,
For you are leading me.

Someday when I'm all grown up,
You're what I want to be;
Then I will have a little child
Who'll want to follow me.

And I would want to lead just right,
And know that I was true;
So, walk a little slower, Daddy,
For I must follow you."

~ Author Unknown

this year the kids are working on something very special and once they are completed (after fathers day) i will post pics of them for all to see.. lets just hope they come out as good as i hope they will.

if one person can relate

a friend is considering writing a book about her life.. and my opinion is this *if one person can relate, learn, or even just see they arent alone* in what they deal with daily behind closed doors than everything you live through as a child or adult is worth it.
everyone wishes that they lived a life with a happy childhood, loving parents, etc but that isnt the case for so many.. there are so many people who have survived hell to get to where they are and some who continue to suffer.
sometimes i wonder if folks see me as a *know it all* but that is never my intentions, i know i dont know everything although i am well rounded.. living in the home i did growing up, hiding behind a mask of a smiling face while my world was crashing around me daily, i learned a lot .. i grew up to fast and was only dependent on myself for what i needed.
growing up quickly and being a survivor of so much is something that i will always have with me.. my childhood a past i will always carry with me.. but every thing i lived threw is worth it if i can even just touch one person, if i can just allow one person to know *you arent alone* ..
its a lot to know you arent alone.. alot to know that someone *gets it* .. that someone understands..

ive never written a book, attempted a few times, been pushed and encouraged to put it all down on paper, written for my own sanity regardless if it was just for me to read or something i was willing to share.. but there are areas that i cant write about.. ive tried and when i hit certain parts just having to write about the sexual molestation stops me dead in my tracks every time.. maybe its openly admitting the family member is the one that did it.. maybe its seeing it on paper or reading it back .. but that is the brick wall i hit every time. the later non-family member molester is a bit easier to swallow and write out.. but the family member one stops me .. a hurdle that i have never been able to jump over..

for me.. just mindlessly writing about whatever is on my mind in my blog is my therapy.. my times to share my joys.. my sorrows.. my irritations.. bits by bits my life stories.. and my place to write about whats on my mind even if it makes no sense to anyone who reads it.. even written in circles it makes sense to me.

to my friend i wish you all of the luck in the world on your autobiography and getting things out there on paper .. published or not, a best seller or not.. the truth is out, its on paper and maybe that will help you move forward more, maybe you will be able to leave it on paper and be done with the past that haunts you today. your a strong person and this journey will not be an easy one im sure.. but you can do this.. with love and support you can write through the hard times, through the tears.. through the questions etc..

christianity at its finest *rolls eyes*

let me start off by saying that i am NOT a christian in any form of the word, i am agnostic with an atheist twist.. while i can not say that there isnt a god there are views that i have that follow a bit of both .. hence the twist.
now dont get me wrong i believe fully that even someone who claims to be a christian is NOT perfect, like everyone else they make mistakes.. we are humans and as humans we will react with emotions before other things during certain times.. so i dont expect a christian to be all *godly* all the time..
with that said...

a few nights ago i ran into P at the store and found out that once again him and J have split ways and that P came back to the coast for whatever reason. for the time being P is homeless, sleeping in his car and mindlessly roaming around during the day..
while i agree we dont have room for P to crash in the house of characters, we still invited him over for a place to sit and chat for a while, a warm meal and a few pots of coffee (P is a heavy coffee drinker).. we tossed his ice packs in the freezer, his medications in the fridge (hes a diabetic) etc.. P stayed at the house until after midnight last night and than went on his way.
while ron and i felt guilty that we werent able to offer him even a couch to sleep on for the night, P knows that he can stop by today and get a hot shower, a hot meal etc.. we will do whatever we can to help him out but not enough to disturb the house kwim?

P came back today and dropped off his medications and ice pack which are now in the fridge and freezer and i gladly put them there for him.. but the sad thing for me as a not religious person is knowing that the *Christians* in the house have the opinion that P dont even need to be around here.. dont stop by just keep on going your basically not welcome.

how is it that a christian can turn there backs on someone in need but an agnostic with an atheist twist wont? weve all known P for about the same amount of time..

when P and J split previously it was ron and i who opened up a place for him to sit and chat for hours on end.. it was us who argued with him and lived through accusations after the night that he tried to break the restraining order that J had against him by showing up at his house.. it was us who tried to talk to S (their son) and give him a place to reach out to aside from his family..
it was us who were told that P didnt like his kids around us (S is 22 and C is a teenager) because we arent Christians and we live a more open life with our children vs insisting they have to live in a bubble..
it was P who accused my husband of *trying to get in his wives pants* because he was quick to jump into our car that late night in order to help P and get him out of there before he did something stupid, it was my husband on that same late night who S came running to and broke down in his arms because he couldnt handle it anymore.. the emotional stuff he is going through..

but it is still us willing to put the past behind us and help P out as we can with the ability we have and to even give him a place to sit and rest for a few hours, but yet the Christians refuse?

im lost on the whole thing.. how is theit reaction a christian thing to do? i thought christians were supposed to be loving and kind? am i missing something? could they be upset over the reactions of our help before to P sure that could be it but still.. if we are willing to look past it, shouldnt they as Christians be forgiving and move on?

if this is what Christianity is than how is it a great loving religion? or are the characters in the house just claiming to be what they arent?

one proud mama!!

my wyatt read me a book last night.. seriously read it to ME! omg im so proud of him..
we got done with homework and than i noticed there were 2 library books in his book bag and he was so casual about it *mommy i can read this one* and pulled out the Dr. Seuss book.. and he read it, he actually read it to ME.. omg!!

i know to some this may seem like nothing or just something that he should have been able to do after all hes 8 years old and in the 2nd grade.. but this is HUGE for my wyatt.
wyatt has a general learning disability.. as a kindergartner he had major speech issues, he was able to tell you what he wanted and when not pronouncing words correctly he would slow his speech down until you understood.. his kindergarten teacher was amazed at his abilities to make sure you understood what he was saying and his patience with his own speech, but he had been doing it forever. he of course started with speech therapy and im proud to say that earlier this year he graduated from speech therapy and is only being corrected at home and in the classroom when we notice a mispronunciation, which of course we had been doing all along.
in 1st grade he was given reading help and writing help.. and than towards the end of the year tested for special education.. which of course he is in this year.
i know he is behind and i expect him to be behind but showing improvement (which he is) and im good with it, he is getting the help he needs and improving *smiles* leaps and bounds all of the time.

his special education is on reading, writing, fine motor skills (which i believe is part of writing) etc..

anyways, im used to the smaller books, the ones that repeat .. but never did i expect him to read me a Dr. Seuss book. im just floored with his progress!! and yes this is so HUGE for him!!

we have his IEP meeting next week so we will get a chance to meet with all of is teachers and find out the plan for next year etc..

in other news...

we got the boys pool set up at mothers house.. still wish it could have been put up here but i still cant figure out a place we would have put it, so i suppose its best where it is, its just a short walk for us to go swimming every day and plus there are other things the boys can do if they dont feel like swimming. im still planning on some trips to the sound but not as many as years before, to be honest, the neighborhood drunkards and rednecks have destroyed our swimming hole and made it a not so pleasant place to go. i had no issues before the last few years because they would sun and drink and mind their own.. but the last few years since the rednecks have graced us with their presence in our neighborhood, it has gotten far out of control.. now they use it as a party spot and park jet skis, boats etc where my children are trying to play in the water, the act as if they own it.. and its sad that so few have ruined it for the rest of us. its just not safe anymore to have my babies in the water and the drunks jumping on the jet skis a 12 pack deep.. the rednecks family and friends dumping their trash into our waters and just *shrugging* their shoulders when something is said to them about it, just sad! some weekdays are still safe but weekends have been off limits the last few years.. so many cars, so many people, so much beer and hard liquor drinking going on.. and the saddest part is.. these are mainly women who are in the 40+ age group .. maybe even 50+ age group.. one of them even a police officer.. yeah someone who knows full well not to drink and drive is not only driving but also on the water in this condition.. scary huh?
ive tried calling the cops on them and reporting them for not having town stickers, that got me no where.. folks whos homes are there have complained to have nothing come of it, heck ive even repeatedly called town hall and was simply told *there are no rules or regulations*, ive personally talked to police officers and was told basically that *they werent doing anything wrong* and nothing would be enforced..
anyways, we have our small pool set up and its actually a good decent size, nothing that anyone will be diving in any time soon but still a good size to have fun in this summer.

my bigger boys also got haircuts yesterday and look like boys again *lol*.. still havent tempted owens but im so worried that he will freak out, he seems to be getting a slight bit better with strangers but until i know he is completely comfortable enough to sit through the whole hair cut and not freak out .. he will remain my bed head boy!

i think tomorrow mother and i are going to run to jacksonville.. i need to do some looking around micheals craft store, fathers day is coming and i have to be completely ready *lol* i have a vision in my head, i just hope that it comes out the way im picture'ing it.. wish me luck on that one!!

never been daddys girl

you always hear when baby girls are born that they are *daddys girl* that was never a definition for me..
in my own opinion, the marriage was over before i was ever born.. but none the less i was here, the photos and memories of bike rides with babies on the back were long gone, left only in photographs for my sister to say *look its me on the back of the bike* but than again i dont recall many photos of me as a baby only a handful of them in existence anymore..
dad and i have always had a strained relationship, not sure if there is one point that i can pin as the reason why but it was what it was..
as a young girl i feared him, scared of setting him off in any way, i was always quiet and kept to myself when around him, always minding my P's and Q's never to hear him raise his voice.. dunno if i have a reason to be that way or if it was just me living off a fear my mother had.
sure dad had a temper and dad was an alcoholic and yes we had seen his temper flare up but was it ever a reason to be the house mouse?
they divorced when i was still quite young and while we moved on with mother, dad went on to move into a house full of guys and became the weekend dad.. while his visitation was every other weekend from friday-sunday.. dad would show up one day every other weekend, normally a saturday and that was it. he would take us to do fun things .. a trip to the zoo, a walk on some trails, out to dinner, whatever.. he tried in his own way.
it wasnt long before our conditions had gotten gravely bad living with mother, we found ourselves living in a half burnt building and us girls starving to death.. believe it or not, the burnt building was a step up from the previous place we lived, in the back of the pickup truck a place we called home for 2 days!

i couldnt even begin to tell you how dad ended up in the slot of full time parent, everything happened so quickly.. we went to stay the night at our mor-mors house after she found us and the next thing i remember was being in the back of dads VW Bus and him asking me what was wrong.. me saying *nothing* and he said *dont worry your never going back there again*
we went to the hospital and had blood drawn and found out the fate that we would have met had we not been saved at that time.. we were given a week with a common cold and we would have been dead had we not been saved. i will never understand the choices my parents made but i suppose its not for me to understand.

living with dad was more like living with a room mate, he did his thing, we did ours.. we were the ones responsible for the house hold chores and what not.. we were given an allowance which my sister would beat me for mine if i didnt just hand it over to her, this was to buy all the things we needed.. and since i was never allowed to spend my money on what i needed i was never *in style* at school in any form of the way.. i wore a lot of hand me downs etc.. even gifts from relatives were yanked away from me by her so that she could *have it all* dad wore a blind eye to it all..

years later we were reconnected with mother again and chose to live with her.. my sister didnt last long and was quickly swooped off to a psych ward of a hospital for a month stay (the longest one that dads insurance would pay for) and once her stay was over while i was left in my own personal hell, she went on to live with dad.
dad came to see me once in 8th grade.. not to save me from my hell that i called home but instead to just tell me to have mother call him.. the weekend visits were no more, he never called, never tried to see me, he was just *gone*
i saw him again a few times after my sister came back to live with us.. but not often, he would make arrangements to come get the both of us .. although i know i was only included as an obligation type deal..
when i got married i didnt feel that dad deserved any rights to know, no rights to know that i was pregnant with my first.. he didnt treat me like a daughter and i wasnt about to treat him like a father..
mother is the one that broke the news to him threw a letter that i was married and pregnant.. i wasnt thrilled but i guess she felt an obligation to tell him who knows.

when my oldest was 7 months old dad made his one trip to see us in NC, of course he stayed with my sister and her family and spent a week with him but i got to see him for one day and than a short hour visit after that.. but that was it, after all i wasnt the one he was interested in spending time with. i suppose the only reason why he came to the house was because Ron and i had decided it would be nice to have a cook out..

dad would call from time to time after that but only to locate my sister and to beg me not to let mother marry her than boyfriend..

when the phone rang on that feb. night, i would have never guessed that it was my sister to tell me dad was gone..

my father as we learned had lost his job and been unemployed for a year, he was drinking heavily and apparently passed out in an empty lot behind a junk yard.. a trail he liked to walk cut threw the area from what i understand.. the police report is sketchy with so much of it blocked out, my grandfather talked to the owner of the junk yard so we know that he had found dad and woken him up, gotten him on his feet and so he thought, on his way.. but dad just laid back down.. passed out in the snow ..
the owner came back to check on his property and that is when he found dad.. rescue was called and they tried to revive him but he was gone .. dead on arrival.. the autopsy came back he died of alcohol intoxication.

dad was just 1 month to the day past his 48th birthday.. the funeral was a blur.. i went, i had to go.. but i never expected it would be so hard, the people, friends of dads, drunks like him, telling me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me.. seeing photos of me and knowing who i was..
why could he never say it himself when he was alive? why couldnt he once make me feel like i belonged?
the truth is.. life would have been easier if he would have never been around.. its better to accept that, than to be a yo-yo that wasnt wanted.

what i have left of him is a wallet, half of what was in it, and one set of keys.. this i have to pass on to my children of the grandfather none of them have ever or will ever know..

owen has been wide open

all morning long it seems .. thankfully he is down for his nap now, recharging to keep me on my toes all evening im sure *lol*
yesterday was wyatts trip to the aquarium and to the park, i was a bit worried that he would get rained out but the rained stopped long enough for the kids to play at the park for a bit after their picnic lunch *smiles* He sounded like he had a good time.. told me that when they first got there the sea otters were doing nothing but once feeding time came around they were much more active. sometimes getting things our of him is like pulling teeth and other times he can talk endlessly about much of nothing.
he was cute last night because he is at that stage where everything on TV is real (commercial wise) anyways, he was laying down for bed last night and called ron back there just to ask him why the fan was on in their room, he explained to him that *little* ron must have turned it on earlier when he was in there and wyatt said *daddy it needs to be off no one is using it and our planet is dying* .. yep my walking advertisement for the latest and greatest as seen on tv and other commercials.. got to love him!

waiting to see what todays mail brings me but yesterday i received the USPS sample showcase
it came with various product samples in it and i think its a great little thing the postal folks are doing.. not sure how it originated or when it did but awesome none the less.
in mine i received the
dove chocolate peanut butter candy sample.. this one was very good but im a fan of dove chocolate anyway.. the peanut butter wasnt overly bearing and just enough to get the taste of it.. something i will deff pick up when considering a reeces peanut butter cup deal.

Aveeno hand cream/body cream and face cream stuff.. not bad but not the greatest.. still leaves that greasy feeling but not as bad as some.. not something i would run out and by specially considering the cost in stores.

shower to shower powders, two different ones, one being the *sport* and the other being the shimmer effect.. havent tried these as of yet but im not overly impressed with the way they are packed in there sample packages.. suppose i will see if i like them after i try them huh?

McCormick Grill Mates Montreal Steak Marinade another one we havent tried yet but it sounds good.. we have used their seasonings before (the kind in the shake on containers) and have always been happy but this one is a bit different, this is something for the hubba gets to try out since hes my grill king.

ben gay heat wrap again not tried yet but still a cool sample to receive.

oh and the aveeno shampoo and conditioner samples.. again one i havent tried yet but will give it a go although i dont think the sample packs ever give you enough conditioner *lol*

secrets clinical strength deodorant sample.. this one ive been wanting to try but the sticker shock has kept me away.. cant wait to see if its worth the cost in stores or not.

all in all it was a good sample pack and ive already commented on the USPS link for it.. still more comments to make over time if i understand it right small survey type deals to fill out..

maybe i will get lucky and my Gillette razor will come in today..

great customer service is where its at !!

i dunno about you but costumer service says a lot to me, if its bad im the first to shout out how the customer service is the worst (hence my post on the campground co-host) and when customer service is awesome i think they deserve the same respect of those that arent so great.. hence i will be a life time consumer of kitchen aid products due to their great customer service on my stand mixer that when i emailed how to stop the enamel chipping off my mixer they sent me an email back telling me my replacement was on its way! yeah great huh?
im equally the one to tell you when a product rocks and when a product is lacking in some ways..

well a few days ago i posted some product reviews, one on a particular hand cream that i recently tried after receiving in the mail to try and yes this product falls into my *rocks* category! im still overly impressed with the product and after trying another hand cream today that again i got in the mail im still overly impressed with *see my review on the beautiful skin starts here* anyways i received a message from her today wanting to know if i have a fan page for my blog which of course i dont because this is just a personal blog that i also feel is a good place to let my followers and just plain old lurkers know what i think about certain things.. but, how awesome is that? like i said, great customer service comes a long way..
here is her web site www.votrevu.com/mblockey and deff look her up on facebook.. you wont be going wrong im telling you that much. between the great customer service she offers and the great product as well.

in reading a friends blog

and her post about her sister, it brought to me somethings i think of when it comes to my sister, how our relationship went from us being having only each other to us being such polar opposites, not that we werent before because all of our lives i can point out where we were such different people.
does it bug me that we cant have that relationship that you see others having? where their sisters are their best friends etc? to be honest it used to.. i always thought how great it would be to grow up into independent adults and to find some common ground even if it was simply the past that we were forced to live threw that drew us together.. and at times it was.. i cant tell you how many times i was called to her side during an emotional break down by her because of the life we once lived.
while i had always wished that you would find us now as adults getting together regularly and our children being brought up close, i would lie if i said that life was that cut and dry.. my sister and i choose to live two very different lifestyles.. i choose to live life simple, she chooses to live in a past that i refuse to allow affect my happiness in the here and now and that i absolutely refuse to take my happiness away.
i have tried many many times to make things work with her on an adult level but at much cost to myself.. just as when we were children, i would give and give and give and she would simply take all i had to give and than some.
truthfully when no one else was around, my sister became my abuser .. i couldnt tell, wouldnt tell.. couldnt show the bruises she hid on my body nor could i express to anyone how she was towards me mentally.. how i learned the best way to survive was to break myself down.. cut my own self esteem into pieces and remain quiet at all times with my head held low.. to loose all self worth and pride.
as an adult i dont have to do this.. as an adult the last straw was the same bull shit that i put up with as a child .. and i had finally decided once and for all i would no longer deal with it, im done.. put a fork in me, its over for once and for all.
i will no longer allow my life to be less than i want it to be just to appease her, i will no longer allow anyone control over my happiness.. i hold the key to my future, my happiness, my goals etc.. and i will not drag the toxic people with me to continue'ously bring me down..
i learned years ago to not allow my past, my childhood, to affect my future.. to not let it bring me down .. to grab my life that i have now and make it all that it can be.. giving up on my sister was a bit longer and harder for me to do..
i wish her well in where her life takes her and hope that some day she makes the same peace with the past that i have. but i know in my heart of heart that i cant have her in my life because she is toxic to me.. she will never change the person she is, she will never understand how she tries to control everyone and beat people down to build herself up.. and i have accepted that.. maybe someday she will understand why i had to make the choices i have when it comes to our relationship.. looking back at our life, maybe she will someday understand where she was no better to me than our abusers were to us... but im not holding my breath for that to happen.
i have no room in my life for toxic people..

my newest button

you will notice i added a new button to my blog *simply moms* and let me tell you its an awesome forum for moms and moms to be :) its one of my regular stops through out the day and a place full of wonderful ladies, im sure you will enjoy it if you ever want to stop on by.. just click the link here on my blog and walla your there..

busy busy busy day

woke up this morning with the chickens to get the kiddos off to school. as soon as the buses left it was time for me to hit the shower and get moving in the direction of looking human.
had to run to jacksonville with mother this morning and stopped at dicks sporting goods, she wanted to check out this pretty awesome umbrella thing i saw when ron and i went to get our tent.. dicks has it listed as a sports umbrella .. look it up its really cool! we tend to spend a lot of time down at the water in the summer and even though we will be heading to mothers to swim in the small pool quite a bit this summer, i know there are times that we will find ourselves at the end of the road, and i need shade for Owen encase he needs to nap etc, last year we had a beach tent thing that he stayed in but unfortunately with all the winds, it only lasted the summer and than it died.. so this year it was time to find something new, easy to transport and easy to set up.. hence the sports umbrella thing that i found at dicks .. i will let you know how it lasts but the good thing is the warranty on it was under $10.00 *smiles*
while we were there i found a pair of crocs i actually like *rofl* and of course they weren't in my size *grr* i also found the perfect summer purse (im planning on going with a nice summery tote) but of course i couldn't justify spending nearly $50 on it *blah* i hate that it wasn't on sale and although i know somehow the breast cancer folks got a kick back i just couldn't impulse shop and buy it.. maybe it will be there later on and maybe at a cheaper price!!!
than we decided to stop by target to see what they had, but found pretty much nothing there *lol*
headed to lunch and than to lowes home improvement to buy sand.. now this is where mother and i got into an disagreement on money..
i have been wanting to get owen a sandbox for out back (among other things) and so we went to get sand.. sand is on sale this week btw, buy 3 get 1 free and its pretty cheap too *smiles*
picked up 4 bags (50 pounds each) and than walked around a bit, and mother happened to see one of them little tykes sand boxes which i quickly nixed the idea of.. the reason? simple i cant justify spending $60 almost $70 on it.. specially when i can go redneck style *rofl*
so after i convinced mother that there was no way that kind of money would be spent, we headed over to the dollar general and i picked up a small pool for $7 and a thick plastic table cloth for a picnic table .. when we got home i put the pool on the porch and with the help of my muscle men, put 2 bags of sand in it.. walla instant sand box and a few happy boys (wyatt and Owen)
after we got done i slipped the table cloth over and walla instant cover for the sand box to keep the stray kitties out of it and all is good. than we went and picked up another small pool for mothers house and she took the second 2 bags of sand to her house to put up a redneck sandbox for the boys there *smiles* .. hmm maybe i shouldnt say boys since i cant really see little ron playing in it but still.
we had also picked up owen a new chair for his recycled table from mothers house but the chair is to high for it *blah* so we are still on the hunt for a chair that is low enough for him.
the recycled table was destined for the dump when my fil pointed out it would make a nice table for owen if it were painted.. so i thought it was a good idea so we picked up a few cans of spray paint and cleaned it up.. now it is perfect for him!
i think by the time we were done running it was close to dinner time, owen hadnt napped but a few 10 minute ones in the car and was crabby! so we played out side in the sand box for a bit than cleaned up for a quick dinner, bath time and than snuggles before bed!

a few fixes for yesterdays post ~ chris didnt go oyster'n he went clamming .. oysters cant be gotten this time of year (i forget what months you can grab them in)

i did some research and found there are NO leash laws for our local federal forest service parks including the one we stayed at so the camp host was wrong in his thinking (or im not looking hard or deep enough for the right information)

as for tomorrow ~
wyatt has his field trip the aquarium and than some time in the park for a picnic lunch with his class .. im sure he will have tons of fun..

as for me ~ i need to get some much needed sleep and some snuggles with my hubba! ive been running all day long non-stop and other than a text fest between us earlier weve had no time to really talk..

product reviews

field and stream estate dome tent 10 foot by 18 foot ~
this is an awesome tent with tons of room. it has 2 rooms, the room divider is pretty much what you would expect from a tent.. plenty of air flow etc.  plenty of room to sit under the *porch* covered area, lots of windows in the front room and one window in the back room, however with the top being pretty much all mesh (under the rain cover) it was a nice cool night of sleep ~
i would suggest if you purchase this tent, to do so threw dicks sporting goods, which is where we bought ours, there was a small tear in the front on the floor of the *porch* area however due to having purchased the 1 year no matter what happens to it (by our fault or the manufacture) its covered warranty .. we are covered and its going to be exchanged monday morning.. the warranty only cost us an additional $18.00 and is well worth it IMO.

Beautiful skin starts here ~

now this is a skin lotion that i heard about on facebook and i applied for a free sample, i never expect to much out of these things because well you never can tell, but i can tell you that OMG this stuff rocks! look them up on facebook .. you will be happy with what you receive if you order from them.  sample wise it was just a *one use deal* which is normal, after all its a sample.. but man the lotion smelled so good.. not over bearing in fragrance and to be honest i would almost call it a nice *perfume* type deal.. anyway.. it was perfect and not overly greasy as some lotions can be.. a deff must try deal people.. become a *fan* or rather *like* now that facebook has changed their way of thinking  and trust me, you wont be sorry!!

M&M's pretzels ~

another sample i received this week that im on the fence about.. the kids seemed to like them but honestly unless the kids were begging for them, its not something i would purchase in the store, just not my *thing* there isnt anything really in particular that i can point out that i wasnt crazy about them when it came to them but yeah.. just not something i would pick up to snack on. *sorry m&m's* i still like your peanut ones .. that has to count for something right?

Croatan National Forest Campground ~ Cedar Point NC...

i have to say that i do enjoy the campground.. always have, its right near the house and offers a bit to do..
fishing, boating (with a boat ramp and access to the white oak river), a nice walking trail and a decent bath house.

the folks are rather nice and its affordable ($17.00 per night) a bit cheaper if your are *older* .. all sites have electric and there is a dump station as well as various places to get fresh water.

i will give fair warning that the camp co-host does not know how to talk to people and is quite frankly a bit of an ass.. feel free to bring your pets as they are allowed *smiles*