everyone wishes that they lived a life with a happy childhood, loving parents, etc but that isnt the case for so many.. there are so many people who have survived hell to get to where they are and some who continue to suffer.
sometimes i wonder if folks see me as a *know it all* but that is never my intentions, i know i dont know everything although i am well rounded.. living in the home i did growing up, hiding behind a mask of a smiling face while my world was crashing around me daily, i learned a lot .. i grew up to fast and was only dependent on myself for what i needed.
growing up quickly and being a survivor of so much is something that i will always have with me.. my childhood a past i will always carry with me.. but every thing i lived threw is worth it if i can even just touch one person, if i can just allow one person to know *you arent alone* ..
its a lot to know you arent alone.. alot to know that someone *gets it* .. that someone understands..
ive never written a book, attempted a few times, been pushed and encouraged to put it all down on paper, written for my own sanity regardless if it was just for me to read or something i was willing to share.. but there are areas that i cant write about.. ive tried and when i hit certain parts just having to write about the sexual molestation stops me dead in my tracks every time.. maybe its openly admitting the family member is the one that did it.. maybe its seeing it on paper or reading it back .. but that is the brick wall i hit every time. the later non-family member molester is a bit easier to swallow and write out.. but the family member one stops me .. a hurdle that i have never been able to jump over..
for me.. just mindlessly writing about whatever is on my mind in my blog is my therapy.. my times to share my joys.. my sorrows.. my irritations.. bits by bits my life stories.. and my place to write about whats on my mind even if it makes no sense to anyone who reads it.. even written in circles it makes sense to me.
to my friend i wish you all of the luck in the world on your autobiography and getting things out there on paper .. published or not, a best seller or not.. the truth is out, its on paper and maybe that will help you move forward more, maybe you will be able to leave it on paper and be done with the past that haunts you today. your a strong person and this journey will not be an easy one im sure.. but you can do this.. with love and support you can write through the hard times, through the tears.. through the questions etc..
